I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
