you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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