By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
