Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
