i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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