you would pick up someone in the library
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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