In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
