I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
