You really coming over, don't trick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
