what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
