if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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