What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
