8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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