We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
