she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
