How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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