those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize