after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
