evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
