he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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