I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
