I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
