Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
