This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
