i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
