I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
