Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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