we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
