Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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