My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
