He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
