i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
