so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
