I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
