just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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