i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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