I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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