Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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