You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
