Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
