What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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