I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.