i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.