what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"