I think i peed on brittanys purse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
