dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
