my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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