i just had sex bonerless
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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