how can u be prego again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
