a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
