she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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