Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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