We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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