I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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