I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
