my sisters under your porch take her home
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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