I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
