God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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