This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
