Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
