She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
