Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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