You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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