Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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