we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
