If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
